A new Beginning

TiS the season to finally do another post. It has been quite the while. I slowed down on all the partying.. seems that partying with all the court stuffs, im really in a jam for money. Jobs out of the question too. Ive been schooling and finally finished my finals, and finished my CLASS!!!! im so happy about that..
During this time.. and 500 days of summer.. =)) i might have realized something that i have been missing. if i hadn't gone to that party... if i hadn't commented on fb statuses that night... if i had paid attention to my gaming instead. would we be where we are now? quite strange how this world works..
however in the short time that we've known each other.. feelings began to arise in a time where it shouldn't. This flower of emotions currently resides on crumbled earth. My heart is still not ready. To move into anything at this moment will surely end in chaos. I am just not that irresponsible with someone elses heart, i cannot do that to you. Many more rainstorms are awaiting to arrive. It will be violent. It will be treacherous. It will definitely be hard. But through these storms, this patch of earth will once again be fertile. It will be then that it can nurture and cultivate another heart from its soul.
this will not change the fact that you do mean a lot to me. i feel so close to you, yet i don't want to hurt you. This unstable condition i am in can turn things to the worst. Theres no way i can promise you anything such as not disappointing you or hurting you. These are not my intentions and its not something i can control. never can be.. This is my feared point. how can i possibly guarantee myself to anyone if i cannot guarantee it to me?
Though this trek will be hard, i want to focus on those close to me, without putting them in danger. I do want this to progress. If you want, and if u have the power, stay with me. See this through with me to the end.